Jim Hacker: Humphrey, we have to do something about Iran.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Prime Minister, the government is already doing a great deal.
Jim Hacker: Such as?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Monitoring developments, coordinating with allies, reviewing contingency plans and expressing concern.
Jim Hacker: That all sounds like nothing, Humphrey.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: On the contrary, Prime Minister. In diplomacy it is vital to appear active without becoming involved.
Jim Hacker: The Americans are bombing things, the Iranians are firing missiles, the Strait of Hormuz is practically closed and we’re… appearing active?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Precisely.
Jim Hacker: Innocent people are dying, Humphrey!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, Prime Minister. That is why the Foreign Office is drafting a very strongly worded statement about it.
Jim Hacker: A statement won’t stop a war.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: No, Prime Minister, but it will ensure that we are on record as having been extremely concerned while it was happening.
Bernard Woolley: If I may, Prime Minister — the Cabinet Office has identified six possible courses of action.
Jim Hacker: Good! What are they?
Bernard Woolley: We can condemn the escalation, call for restraint, urge negotiations, support our allies, assist defensive operations or participate directly.
Jim Hacker: And what do they recommend?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Supporting our allies.
Jim Hacker: That sounds suspiciously like participating.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh no, Prime Minister. Participating means fighting. Supporting merely means allowing others to fight from places that technically belong to us.
Jim Hacker: Humphrey, if Iranian missiles hit one of our bases, we’ll be in the war anyway!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, Prime Minister, but we shall have entered it with the invaluable diplomatic advantage of being surprised.
Bernard Woolley: It’s generally considered the safest way to enter a war, Prime Minister.
Jim Hacker: How on earth can that be safe?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Because if the war goes badly, we can say we never meant to join it. And if it goes well, we can say we were there all along.
Bhura’s family went to see a girl for him. After tea, snacks and small talk in the drawing room were over, the girl’s father slowly brought up the main topic: “So, what work does your son do currently ?” Bhura’s father adjusted his glasses, cleared his throat and started a full corporate-style presentation: “Look, our Bhura is currently the Founder and Managing Director of an agro-based Direct-to-Consumer start-up. We deal in the organic health and wellness sector.” Hearing this, the girl’s father was already half impressed. “Wow ! So what exactly is your product ?” Bhura’s father continued confidently: “Our main portfolio consists of high-protein roasted legumes and traditional caramelised sweets. We source raw materials directly from the wholesale supply chain, then dry-roast them in our own thermal processing unit. And the biggest highlight is that our packaging is 100% eco-friendly and bio-degradable !”
The girl’s family was amazed hearing all this. It sounded like a big multinational company ! The girl’s uncle couldn’t resist asking: “So where is your company’s main office ? And how many employees do you have ?” Without getting nervous at all, Bhura’s father replied: “Look, this is the era of modern lean startups, so we avoid unnecessary expenses like shop rent and electricity bills. We have a mobile retail outlet, which shifts its location daily depending on traffic and public footfall. And the entire operation is handled by my son alone — he’s a solo-preneur !” Now the girl’s father was completely confused. He felt this English was beyond his understanding. So he said: “I didn’t quite understand this marketing language. Could you explain in simple terms what exactly the boy does ?”
At that moment, the boy’s close friend sitting in the corner spoke softly: “Uncle, what he means is that our brother runs a roadside cart at the highway selling Peanuts, Roasted Chickpeas and Revdi ! He roasts chickpeas in sand in a pan and serves them to customers in folded newspaper packets.
The Indian Stock Market has been in turmoil (like the rest of the world, really) in recent times.
Since humour is the best antidote to sad times, someone intelligent thought this up:
BSE: Bombay Se Exit NSE: Nation Se Exit F/O : Future Over NIFTY: No Income For This Year PE: Plunge Endless EBITDA : Exit Before It Tumbles Down Again HNI: Has No Idea PMS: Pre-Meditated Scam
SIP: Suicide by Investing Patiently.
IPO – Instant Portfolio Obliteration FOMO – Fear Of More Outflows ETF – Everything Tanking Fast ROI- Regret On Investment EPS-Earnings Probably Shrinking NAV- Not Any Value CAGR – Constantly Avoiding Green Returns SIP-Systematic Investment Pain
