Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th!
Category: English Jokes
English Jokes, Our Best
One evening, all Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States.
A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.
“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free.”
Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.
“On the face of it, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite.”
“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera.
“At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.
“Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!”
“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.
“We would have backed you!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.
“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.
Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he’d always be an afterthought.
“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.
“Indeed, I’m sorry about our fate. If y’all want I am happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.
“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma.
“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum.
“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.
Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.
“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.”
Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love. Its most critical condition that this piece is shared widely, says Sine qua non.
English Jokes, Quotes and one lIners
Student: How much is remaining, sir?
Teacher: it’s last 20, be quick.
Student: 20 what? Apples?
English Jokes
A Lawyer named Strange died and his wife asked the grave builder to inscribe on his grave,
“Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The grave builder insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for the passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the grave.
So, he suggested an alternative.
He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the grave and read it,
they would be certain to remark,
“That’s Strange!”
English Jokes
I put on my resume that I can type 700 characters per minute
Which is true, but apparently, they expected these characters to form words.
English Jokes
Flying high is the theme of the day as Comedy Majors wins the first runner up prize in the Lemon Ideas Startup Contest for students.
To celebrate, we bring a joke and a meme from the aviation industry. Enjoy!
What are the 3 most useless things in aviation?
The runway behind you.
The altitude above you.
The fuel still in the fuel truck.
Aviation Memes
English Jokes, puns
I thought about running for president
But I figured he should do his own exercise.
English Jokes
One day, all the teaching colleagues of Dr. Flip got into a plane to fly to a conference.
The pilot came online and announced, “You will be delighted to know that all the work on building this plane has been done by your own students!”
Immediately, there was a mad scramble and all the teachers got off the plane before the air hostess could understand a thing.
Dr, Flip, however, remained calmly seated and in fact, opened the morning paper and started reading it.
“You must trust your students an awful lot, Prof!” The pilot could barely hide his admiration.
“Oh yes! Absolutely!” Flip replied, “If my students built it, this plane isn’t going anywhere.”
English Jokes
A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.
“I hurt all over,” she said.
“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”
The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”
After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.
English Jokes
The teacher wrote on the blackboard:
I ain’t had no fun all summer.
“Now, class, how do we correct this sentence?” she asked.
Flip raised his hand.
“Yes, Flip?”
“Get some ice cream, ma’m. Summer ain’t fun without ice cream.”