Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
Crew: I I captain.
Category: English Jokes
English Jokes
Mike says to Jack, “I found this pen, is it yours?”
Jack replies, “Don’t know let me see.” He then tries it and says, “Yes it is.”
Mike asks, “How do you know?”
Jack replies, “That’s my handwriting..”.
English Jokes, puns
Good friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
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Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
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Why do trees have so many friends?
They branch out.
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Why don’t almonds have friends?
Because they’re nuts!
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“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’”
- A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.”
Michaela Edmond
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English Jokes
Flip: Why is it that there are so few functional democracies in North and South Americas, except, perhaps, the US?
Flop: Well, you see, there is no American embassy in the US.
English Jokes
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a clinic to donate blood. The doctor says to the rabbit: “What’s your blood type?”
“I’m probably a Type O”, the rabbit replied with great sadness.
English Jokes
What do you get when you search “Rorschach tests”?
Silhouettes of parents fighting.
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What do you get when you google “Alzeimer’s”?
Purple links.
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Last night I was thinking to myself “I wonder how much Google really knows about me?”
But then my Android phone texted me the message “not much”. So, I feel better now.
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What do you get when you google “Lost medieval servant boy”?
“This page could not be found.”
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I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was “Dishonestly gaining a advantage,” eight letters.
I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.
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What do you get when you google ‘How to light a candle?”
50,000 matches.
English Jokes
These jokes prove what we’ve always known.. a teacher’s life is tough!
Sugar
Teacher: ”Construct a sentence using the word “sugar”
Pupil: ”I drank tea this morning.”
Teacher: ”Where is the word sugar.”
Pupil: ”It is already in the tea..!!”
Active Passive Voices
TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with ‘Mangoes’)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you…
Keeping it clean
TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home…
English Jokes
A Punjabi opened a tea shop in China. He named it Punjab Tea Stall. The shop did not do well.
Then someone suggested that if you want to succeed in China you have to keep a Chinese name for your shop.
Now his shop is doing very well because he has changed the name of the shop to
CHA FOO FOO KARKE PEE
English Jokes, Quotes and one lIners
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th!