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Category: English Jokes

Time Travel/Wormhole jokes

Posted on December 5, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Time Travel/Wormhole jokes
English Jokes

What do apples and space time have in common?

Wormholes

I think the tomatoes in my garden are actually round red time travelers.

They all seem to be developing wormholes.

Weather Stone

Posted on December 3, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Weather Stone
classics, English Jokes

This one is a classic, and we always love it!

Conspiracy Theory Jokes

Posted on December 3, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Conspiracy Theory Jokes
English Jokes

Three Conspiracy Theorists walk into a restaurant.

You cannot think that’s a coincidence!

*******

My brother hates candles and he thinks they were created as part of a government conspiracy

He’s an anti-waxer

**********

It’s obvious people offering UFO conspiracy theories don’t understand basic science.

If they did, they’d be offering UFO conspiracy hypotheses.

********

Have you heard the conspiracy about duvet manufacturers?

They’re involved in a big cover up.

*******

When it comes to government conspiracy theories…

First make sure it can’t be attributed to incompetence.

************

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They call themselves the “ca-hoots”.

***********

I’m always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD… they always seem to be plotting something.

The Most Unforgettable line of all time is…

Posted on December 2, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on The Most Unforgettable line of all time is…
English Jokes

On Procrastination

Posted on November 28, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on On Procrastination
English Jokes, puns

Office jokes

Posted on November 26, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Office jokes
English Jokes

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

Quotes on Ageing

Posted on November 23, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Quotes on Ageing
English Jokes

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. – Mark Twain 

“At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.” 

– George Orwell 

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” 

– Ann Lander

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” 

– Sir Norman Wisdom 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” 

– Andy Rooney

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” 

– Larry Lorenzon

“I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?”

– Barry Cryer

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” 

– Maurice Chevalier

“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” 

– J. Norman Collie 

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.”

 -Mark Twain

“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” 

– Anonymous

A set of problems

Posted on November 21, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on A set of problems
English Jokes

An army officer and an ore trader weren’t allowed to walk into a bar.
One thought it was a major problem, and the other thought it was a miner one.

Traffic jokes

Posted on November 19, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Traffic jokes
English Jokes

I once took a test on waving signal flags.

They told me I passed with flying colors.

On Point

Posted on November 18, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on On Point
English Jokes

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