As is the norm with every marriage, initial phase was extended honeymoon. Being a thinker, Newton would sit on his working desk and think and ponder about the working of the universe.
“Hello my dear.” His wife would croon while bringing him tea to his desk.
It was almost after eight months that she asked him to get his tea from the kitchen.
“Oh yes.” He responded while deep in his thoughts. He kept sitting and thinking. It was after one hour that his wife went to the kitchen and discovered the tea still sitting on the shelf. Tea was cold. It made Mrs Newton hot with anger.
“What is it with you?” she almost shouted. “You keep on sitting on that chair day in and day out without moving and I have to move all over the house to finish the chores.”
Newton was amazed at the observation of his wife and postulated his first law.
“A body that is at rest, will keep resting. And a body that is moving, will keep moving.”
He had this sense of achievement. But his wife was not impressed.
Things continued in the same manner for some more time. Soon Mrs Newton was fed up with the situation. More than one year after the marriage, she decided to nudge Newton and make him contribute towards household chores.
She went to Newton and shook his chair. “Get up man and help me in setting up the house.”
Newton looked up. He had a look at the face of missus. He knew he will have to postpone his brainstorming sessions and indulge in some bodily chores.
He came back to his desk after finishing the list. He reviewed the whole situation and replayed the scene in his mind over and over again. He realized he moved from his desk because his wife had applied force on him. Then he came up with his second law.
“Acceleration of a body depends upon the force applied to it.”
Now Mrs Newton knew how to get Newton going. She had to apply some force to move from his chair and make him do odd jobs around the house.
Newton made some further observations. His wife responded in a kind manner whenever he helped her. He once forgot to wish her on her birthday as he was very busy thinking about falling bodies. His wife feigned ignorance and did not wish him on his birthday. If he left laundry pending, his wife would add more dirty clothes to it. She cooked meals only if he peeled veggies.
He analysed the situation and came up with his third law.
In the year 2027, the Lord came unto Noah, and said:
“Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing long with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the urgent need for the permit. But he needs a huge bribe.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the animals – but they also need a huge fee to allow that!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the court ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until the government conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Then there is a government regulation on compulsory employing minorities, backward classes, schedules classes for building the ship.
The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers.
To make matters worse, the government have seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“NO,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”
To get rid of his old fridge { still working }, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.’
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.’ The next day someone stole it !
They walk among us ! 😂
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, “Look at that dead bird !” Someone looked up at the sky and said “Where?”
They walk among us ! 😂
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.”
They walk among us ! 😂
My sister has a life saving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’ { I work with professionals like this }.
They walk among us ! 😂
While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
They walk among us ! 😂
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Mr. Flip happened to appear.
‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ Mr. Flip asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’
‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.’
‘What sort of question?’ asked Flip.
Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?”
Mr. Flip thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.’
