Comedy Majors

Do you know why it is “Love thy neighbour” and not “Love thy roommate”?

Jesus never needed to worry about real estate prices.

• Original by Ishaan Kaila

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On God

A magician, an architect, and a politican were arguing about whether God is a magician, architect, or politician.

“I am sure he was a magician. He created  Eve from the rib of Adam.” Said the magician.

“But he had to have been an architect, because he made the Garden of Eden. He had to make sense of all that chaos.”

“For sure he was a politician, to have created all that chaos in the first place.” Said the politician.

He won.

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The Talking Centipede

Mr. Flip decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,

“How about going to church with me and receiving blessings?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted,

“Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?”

This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”

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China is intolerant- No Jews there

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, ‘Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in China?’

Al replied, ‘I don’t know, let’s just ask our waiter.’

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, ‘Are there any Chinese Jews?’

The waiter said, ‘I won’t be knowing, but I will ask the chef. After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, ‘No sir, no Chinese Jews.’

Al wasn’t really satisfied with that and asked, ‘Are you absolutely sure?’

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with ‘foreigners’ gave the expected answer, ‘I check again,’ and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, ‘I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.’

The waiter returned and said, ‘The Chef and the Captain my boss and they all say there is no Chinese Jews.’

Are you certain?’ Al asked once again, ‘I just can’t believe there are no Chinese Jews!’

Listen, I asked EVERYONE,’ replied the frustrated waiter. ‘All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews!

NO CHINESE JEWS OK