A man gives a beggar $10 every day. This continues for a year. Suddenly, the daily donation changes to $5.
The beggar thinks, “Better than nothing.”
A year passes again suddenly alms cut to $2.
Beggar asks the man, “First you give $10 daily, then $5 & now only $2. What’s the problem?”
Donor: “Last year my eldest son went to university. It’s expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my daughter started university, so I cut costs more.”
“How many children do you have?” the beggar asks. “Four” the man replies. Beggar: “Well, do you plan to educate them all at my expense?”
As is the norm with every marriage, initial phase was extended honeymoon. Being a thinker, Newton would sit on his working desk and think and ponder about the working of the universe.
“Hello my dear.” His wife would croon while bringing him tea to his desk.
It was almost after eight months that she asked him to get his tea from the kitchen.
“Oh yes.” He responded while deep in his thoughts. He kept sitting and thinking. It was after one hour that his wife went to the kitchen and discovered the tea still sitting on the shelf. Tea was cold. It made Mrs Newton hot with anger.
“What is it with you?” she almost shouted. “You keep on sitting on that chair day in and day out without moving and I have to move all over the house to finish the chores.”
Newton was amazed at the observation of his wife and postulated his first law.
“A body that is at rest, will keep resting. And a body that is moving, will keep moving.”
He had this sense of achievement. But his wife was not impressed.
Things continued in the same manner for some more time. Soon Mrs Newton was fed up with the situation. More than one year after the marriage, she decided to nudge Newton and make him contribute towards household chores.
She went to Newton and shook his chair. “Get up man and help me in setting up the house.”
Newton looked up. He had a look at the face of missus. He knew he will have to postpone his brainstorming sessions and indulge in some bodily chores.
He came back to his desk after finishing the list. He reviewed the whole situation and replayed the scene in his mind over and over again. He realized he moved from his desk because his wife had applied force on him. Then he came up with his second law.
“Acceleration of a body depends upon the force applied to it.”
Now Mrs Newton knew how to get Newton going. She had to apply some force to move from his chair and make him do odd jobs around the house.
Newton made some further observations. His wife responded in a kind manner whenever he helped her. He once forgot to wish her on her birthday as he was very busy thinking about falling bodies. His wife feigned ignorance and did not wish him on his birthday. If he left laundry pending, his wife would add more dirty clothes to it. She cooked meals only if he peeled veggies.
He analysed the situation and came up with his third law.
In the year 2027, the Lord came unto Noah, and said:
“Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing long with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the urgent need for the permit. But he needs a huge bribe.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the animals – but they also need a huge fee to allow that!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the court ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until the government conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Then there is a government regulation on compulsory employing minorities, backward classes, schedules classes for building the ship.
The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers.
To make matters worse, the government have seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“NO,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”
Scientists removed the left half of a man’s brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “2, 4, 6, 8, 10.”
Then they put it back, and removed the right half of his brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “1, 3, 5, 7, 9.”
Finally they removed his entire brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “Oh I can count to 10. Believe me. People are saying I can count to 10 better than anyone in the history of our country. If you ask me to count to 10, I will count to 10 the likes of which no one has ever seen before.
