I have a very clear conscience. It has never been used.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
I can’t even count the number of times I failed Maths at school.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
I like your opera. Perhaps I will set it to music. – Mozart
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
One snowman asks another, “Do you smell carrots?”
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.