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Category: English Jokes

The Strange Grave

Posted on October 6, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on The Strange Grave
English Jokes

A Lawyer named Strange died  and his wife asked the grave builder to inscribe on his grave,

“Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The grave builder insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for the passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the grave.

So, he suggested an alternative.

He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the grave and read it,

they would be certain to remark,

“That’s Strange!”

Typing Speed

Posted on October 6, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Typing Speed
English Jokes

I put on my resume that I can type 700 characters per minute

Which is true, but apparently, they expected these characters to form words.

Aviation Joke and Meme

Posted on October 3, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Aviation Joke and Meme
English Jokes

Flying high is the theme of the day as Comedy Majors wins the first runner up prize in the Lemon Ideas Startup Contest for students.

To celebrate, we bring a joke and a meme from the aviation industry. Enjoy!

What are the 3 most useless things in aviation?

The runway behind you.

The altitude above you.

The fuel still in the fuel truck.

Aviation Memes

Running for President

Posted on October 1, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Running for President
English Jokes, puns

I thought about running for president

But I figured he should do his own exercise.

Flip’s students design a plane

Posted on October 1, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Flip’s students design a plane
English Jokes

One day, all the teaching colleagues of Dr. Flip got into a plane to fly to a conference.

The pilot came online and announced, “You will be delighted to know that all the work on building this plane has been done by your own students!”

Immediately, there was a mad scramble and all the teachers got off the plane before the air hostess could understand a thing.

Dr, Flip, however, remained calmly seated and in fact, opened the morning paper and started reading it.

“You must trust your students an awful lot, Prof!” The pilot could barely hide his admiration.

“Oh yes! Absolutely!” Flip replied, “If my students built it, this plane isn’t going anywhere.”

Diagnosis

Posted on September 29, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Diagnosis
English Jokes

A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.

“I hurt all over,” she said.

“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”

The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”

After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.

Summer Fun

Posted on September 28, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Summer Fun
English Jokes

The teacher wrote on the blackboard:

I ain’t had no fun all summer.

“Now, class, how do we correct this sentence?” she asked.

Flip raised his hand.

“Yes, Flip?”

“Get some ice cream, ma’m. Summer ain’t fun without ice cream.”

On Spellings and Pronunciations

Posted on September 28, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on On Spellings and Pronunciations
English Jokes

A new teacher is marking attendance. She comes across the name “hijkm” and says, “There is a name here that is written h-i-j-k-m. I’m sorry, I’m not sure how to pronounce this name,”

A girl raises her hand: “That’s me, ma’m, and it’s pronounced Noelle”.

Professional Expertise

Posted on September 27, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Professional Expertise
English Jokes

An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out to dinner at their favorite restaurant and grill. They’re sharing some jokes over their snacks and laughing when a fire starts behind the grill.

Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he’ll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.

The chef, from his own experience can tell it’s a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.

The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues eating.

Light Bulb Jokes

Posted on September 26, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Light Bulb Jokes
English Jokes

How many Apple enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don’t change the light bulb, they just buy a new house.

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.

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