Your happiness quotient – multiplied
Flip shows a meme to Flop.
Flop: I don’t understand it.
Flip tries to explain.
Flop: I still don’t get it!
Flip: Oh, Flop, you just don’t understand the coarser things in life!
We were wolves. Then we realised, you had couches.
Father Flip is invited to a parish to address the gathering as a guest of honour. Gladly, he accepts.
On the appointed day, Father Flip reaches the village by bus. He asks a young man passing by, “Where is the parish?”
“I’ll take you” the boy says helpfully.
They get to chatting and the young man asks Father Flip, “Why are you going to our parish?”
“I will address the congregation, child.” Father Flip said helpfully.
“Really? What will you talk about?”
“I will teach you the fastest way to get to heaven, my son.”
At this point, the young man started laughing hysterically.
“What’s funny?” Father Flip was confused.
“You want to show us the way to heaven……you do not know the way to the parish!”
The way private universities approach you for admissions once you have submitted an enquiry at even one site.. reminds one of the mini bus conductors of Delhi in the 1980s… Aa jao Law vaale, aa jao engineering vaale, Aa jao BBA, BBA, BBA..
Image from the indiabuses.wordpress.com.
Flip: Why do you fall sick only on working days?
Flop: Must be my weekend immunity.
I have a very clear conscience. It has never been used.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
I can’t even count the number of times I failed Maths at school.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
I like your opera. Perhaps I will set it to music. – Mozart
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
One snowman asks another, “Do you smell carrots?”
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Collected from all over
As my mother-in-law has expired and I’m the only one responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”
_______________________
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
*As I want to cut my son’s head in Gaya, please leave me for two days..*
_________________________
Leave Application from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding in:
*As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..*
_________________________
An employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
_________________________
*Another leave application:
I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday for me.
_________________________
A leave application to a Principal:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache and the headache is paining, Please grant me one day leave
______________________
Leave application:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
________________________
Another funny Letter found:
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI
Mike!
While cutting hair, the Barber asked the Minister :-
“Sir, What is this Swiss Bank issue ?”
Minister shouted,
“Are you cutting my hair or conducting an inquiry ?”
Barber said:
Sorry Sir, I just asked.
Next day, while cutting the hair, he asked the Senior Minister:
“Sir, what is this Black money issue ?’’
Minister shouted-
‘’Why did you ask me this question ?’’
Barber said:
‘’Sorry Sir, I just simply asked you’’
Next day, The CBI interrogated the Barber
CBI Officer –
‘’Are you an agent of Pakistan ?’’
Barber: No Sir.
CBI: Are you an Agent of any opposition party ?
Barber: No Sir.
CBI: Are you anti-National ?
Barber: For God’s sake, No Sir. I am just an innocent and a simple Barber.
CBI : Then, while cutting the hair, why did you ask these VIP’s about Swiss Bank & Black money issues ?
Barber:
Sir, I do not know why, but whenever I ask them about Swiss Bank or Black money, their hairs stand up straight; & that helps me to cut the hair easily. That’s why I keep asking