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Tag: intelligent jokes

Pilots and Engineers have a sense of humour too

Posted on August 12, 2024 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Pilots and Engineers have a sense of humour too
English Jokes

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots (“P”) and solutions recorded (“S”) by maintenance engineers:


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

No prizes for guessing the profession of this one…

Posted on February 17, 2024 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on No prizes for guessing the profession of this one…
English Jokes

Scientists removed the left half of a man’s brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “2, 4, 6, 8, 10.”

Then they put it back, and removed the right half of his brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “1, 3, 5, 7, 9.”

Finally they removed his entire brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “Oh I can count to 10. Believe me. People are saying I can count to 10 better than anyone in the history of our country. If you ask me to count to 10, I will count to 10 the likes of which no one has ever seen before.

Why one should mind their words

Posted on June 30, 2023 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Why one should mind their words
Videos

When you look like your profile picture

Posted on January 2, 2023 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on When you look like your profile picture
Comics

When Igloos have a t(r)opical problem

Posted on December 10, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on When Igloos have a t(r)opical problem
Comics

A fresh perspective

Posted on November 11, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on A fresh perspective
English Jokes, puns

These images help us see the world in a… well, new way!

Enjoy!

Bizzaro comix

Posted on November 4, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Bizzaro comix
Comics

Latin Quarters

Posted on October 7, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Latin Quarters
English Jokes, Our Best

One evening, all Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States.

A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.

“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free.”

Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.

“On the face of it, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite.”

“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera.

“At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.

“Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!”

“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.

“We would have backed you!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.

“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.

Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he’d always be an afterthought.

“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.

“Indeed, I’m sorry about our fate. If y’all want I am happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.

“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma.

“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum.

“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.

Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.

“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.”

Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love. Its most critical condition that this piece is shared widely, says Sine qua non.

Alexa in Bundelkhand

Posted on September 21, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Alexa in Bundelkhand
Hindi Jokes, हिन्दी जोक्स

एक इंजीनियर पुत्र ने अमरीका से फोन ला कर मनोरंजन के लिए अपनी बुंदेलखंडी पूज्य माताजी को गिफ्ट किया…
एलेक्सा से काम करवाने के लिए थोडी बहुत इंग्लिश भी सिखा दी….
अम्मा का खूब मन लग गया..

एलेक्सा और अम्मा खूब अच्छे फ्रैन्ड स बन गए ..एक साल बाद बेटा अमरीका से जब लौटकर आया …पूछा कैसी हो अम्मा??एलेक्सा तुम्हारे सवालों के जवाब ठीक से देती है ना???

अम्मा बहुत खुश होकर बोली …खुदई देख लो बेटा..
अम्मा- ऐ एलेक्सा कहाँ हो????
एलेक्सा- जे का जिज्जी इतईं तो परे हैं खटिया के नेंचे ….

Parent Meme

Posted on September 13, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Parent Meme
Memes, Student Memes

Today’s parent meme – every parent will identify with!

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