Tag: English Jokes
Life Memes, Memes
This is the first of our Me, Also Me memes.. but if you have any.. pls share in the comments.
And we will, of course, keep our own coming!
English Jokes
Flip: What did you have for breakfast?
Flop: GESG.
Flip: GESG? What’s that?
Flop: Scrambled eggs.
English Jokes
TBR – To Be Read
Quotes and one lIners
Sometimes its hard to tell whether you are carving a niche for yourself or digging a hole!
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There was a time when the artist had to suffer. Now, its the viewer.
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I’d like to apply for a credit card. I am tired of my cheques bouncing all over the place.
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To err is human. To forgive, infrequent.
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Gather ye rosebuds where ye may, florists are very expensive.
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Anybody who can still do at 60 what s/he was doing at 20, wasn’t doing much at 20.
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Nothing can spoil a class reunion like running into the guy who has all his hair, married your girl, and made his money from computers.
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Tolerance is based on patience, respect, and the suspicion that the other fellow may be right.
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The problem with doing nothing is, you never know when you are done.
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No two people are exactly alike, and chances are, both are glad of it.
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life isn’t a bed of roses or a bowl of cherries. Its a bunch of raisins – raisin’ kids, raisin’ hell, and raisin’ money.
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Now that I finally have it all together, I’ve forgotten where i put it!
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Nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it themselves.
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If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
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Ideas are a lot like children – our own are wonderful!
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A well-adjusted person is someone who can make the same mistake twice without being nervous.
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The trouble with work is – its so daily.
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Constructive criticism is when I criticise you. Destructive criticism is when you criticise me.
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God is not a cosmic bellboy for whom we can press a button to get things.
English Jokes
Diplomacy: Laying another’s life for one’s country.
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The duties of our leaders great who occupy the thrones
Are to address gatherings and lay foundation stones.
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Minister: A person who causes a mini-stir wherever he goes.
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Flattery is like cologne water – to be smelled, but not swallowed.
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Joint Account: An account in which one person deposits and the other withdraws.
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Money: The mint makes it first, and it is up to us to make it last.
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Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables the kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
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I don’t know who wrote these witty quotes. They are all from my childhood diaries.
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Life begins at 40, but only a fool would wait that long.
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Calories don’t count. They multiply.
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Floods are rivers too big for their bridges.
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The good thing about growing old is that you only have to do it once.
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Shock absorbers in buses are called passengers.
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If you think a dog can’t count, try putting three biscuits in your pocket and giving your dog only two.
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The modern economy has changed many a nest’s egg into chicken feed.
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We are born with mouths open and eyes closed, and we spend our entire lives trying to reverse that mistake of nature.
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Compromise is the art of dividing the cake so that everyone thinks they got the largest piece.
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Don’t avoid any chairs until you run smack into one. And then, you will have a chair to sit on.
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The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
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For every problem, there is a neat, simple solution, and its always wrong.
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When all else fails, read the instructions.
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GOD is real, unless declared as an integer.
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In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
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The solution to a problem changes the problem.
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When the bad has become worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
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Grapevine: The only communication system in no danger of being replaced by electronics.
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Hospital: A place where a patient’s friends meet to tell him their symptoms.
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