Tag: English Jokes

Google Jokes

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English Jokes

What do you get when you search “Rorschach tests”?

Silhouettes of parents fighting.

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What do you get when you google “Alzeimer’s”?

Purple links.

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Last night I was thinking to myself “I wonder how much Google really knows about me?”

But then my Android phone texted me the message “not much”. So, I feel better now.

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What do you get when you google “Lost medieval servant boy”?

“This page could not be found.”

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I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was “Dishonestly gaining a advantage,” eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

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What do you get when you google ‘How to light a candle?”

50,000 matches.

The Strange Grave

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English Jokes

A Lawyer named Strange died  and his wife asked the grave builder to inscribe on his grave,

“Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The grave builder insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for the passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the grave.

So, he suggested an alternative.

He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the grave and read it,

they would be certain to remark,

“That’s Strange!”

Flip’s students design a plane

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English Jokes

One day, all the teaching colleagues of Dr. Flip got into a plane to fly to a conference.

The pilot came online and announced, “You will be delighted to know that all the work on building this plane has been done by your own students!”

Immediately, there was a mad scramble and all the teachers got off the plane before the air hostess could understand a thing.

Dr, Flip, however, remained calmly seated and in fact, opened the morning paper and started reading it.

“You must trust your students an awful lot, Prof!” The pilot could barely hide his admiration.

“Oh yes! Absolutely!” Flip replied, “If my students built it, this plane isn’t going anywhere.”

Diagnosis

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English Jokes

A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.

“I hurt all over,” she said.

“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”

The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”

After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.