In the year 2027, the Lord came unto Noah, and said:
“Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing long with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the urgent need for the permit. But he needs a huge bribe.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the animals – but they also need a huge fee to allow that!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the court ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until the government conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Then there is a government regulation on compulsory employing minorities, backward classes, schedules classes for building the ship.
The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers.
To make matters worse, the government have seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“NO,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”
Scientists removed the left half of a man’s brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “2, 4, 6, 8, 10.”
Then they put it back, and removed the right half of his brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “1, 3, 5, 7, 9.”
Finally they removed his entire brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “Oh I can count to 10. Believe me. People are saying I can count to 10 better than anyone in the history of our country. If you ask me to count to 10, I will count to 10 the likes of which no one has ever seen before.
To get rid of his old fridge { still working }, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.’
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.’ The next day someone stole it !
They walk among us ! 😂
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, “Look at that dead bird !” Someone looked up at the sky and said “Where?”
They walk among us ! 😂
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.”
They walk among us ! 😂
My sister has a life saving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’ { I work with professionals like this }.
They walk among us ! 😂
While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
They walk among us ! 😂
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Mr. Flip happened to appear.
‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ Mr. Flip asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’
‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.’
‘What sort of question?’ asked Flip.
Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?”
Mr. Flip thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.’
