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Tag: English Jokes

The first 270 days…

Posted on May 1, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on The first 270 days…
English Jokes

A new CEO was hired to take over a struggling company. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into serious trouble,” he said.

Well, three months later sales and profits were still way down and the new CEO was catching a lot of heat. He began to panic but then he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.” The new CEO called a press conference and explained that the previous CEO had left him with a real mess and it was taking a bit longer to clean it up than expected, but everything was on the right track. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and Wall Street – responded positively.

Another quarter went by and the company continued to struggle. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” So he fired key people, consolidated divisions and cut costs everywhere he could. This he did and Wall Street, and the press, applauded his efforts.

Three months passed and the company was still short on sales and profits. The CEO would have to figure out how to get through another tough earnings call. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

Why we should not take offence

Posted on April 25, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Why we should not take offence
puns

Apparently, the tile layer…

Posted on April 14, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Apparently, the tile layer…
Life Memes, Memes

did not have OCD.

This is thinking ahead…

Posted on March 25, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on This is thinking ahead…
English Jokes

Programmer Fights

Posted on March 22, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Programmer Fights
Memes, Office Memes

खातिरदारी हो तो ऐसी

Posted on March 18, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on खातिरदारी हो तो ऐसी
Hindi Jokes, हिन्दी जोक्स

We deserve representation too

Posted on March 14, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on We deserve representation too
English Jokes

And next, it will be grey, for folks who mix blacks and whites…

Raining what, again?

Posted on February 27, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Raining what, again?
puns

Maintenance Issues

Posted on February 16, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Maintenance Issues
English Jokes

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, documnt their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots (“P”) and solutions recorded (“S”) by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundng on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

You want to find out?

Posted on February 9, 2025 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on You want to find out?
English Jokes

Yesterday I entered a marathon.

The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?”

I replied, “You really want to know?”

Then I dropped out of the race.

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