Tag: Comedy Majors

Diplomacy: Laying another’s life for one’s country. 

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The duties of our leaders great who occupy the thrones 

Are to address gatherings and lay foundation stones. 

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Minister: A person who causes a mini-stir wherever he goes. 

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Flattery is like cologne water – to be smelled, but not swallowed. 

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Joint Account: An account in which one person deposits and the other withdraws. 

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Money: The mint makes it first, and it is up to us to make it last. 

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Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables the kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose. 

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I don’t know who wrote these witty quotes. They are all from my childhood diaries. 

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Life begins at 40, but only a fool would wait that long. 

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Calories don’t count. They multiply. 

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Floods are rivers too big for their bridges. 

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The good thing about growing old is that you only have to do it once. 

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Shock absorbers in buses are called passengers. 

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If you think a dog can’t count, try putting three biscuits in your pocket and giving your dog only two. 

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The modern economy has changed many a nest’s egg into chicken feed. 

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We are born with mouths open and eyes closed, and we spend our entire lives trying to reverse that mistake of nature. 

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Compromise is the art of dividing the cake so that everyone thinks they got the largest piece. 

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Don’t avoid any chairs until you run smack into one. And then, you will have a chair to sit on. 

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The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first. 

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For every problem, there is a neat, simple solution, and its always wrong. 

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When all else fails, read the instructions. 

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GOD is real, unless declared as an integer. 

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In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. 

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The solution to a problem changes the problem. 

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When the bad has become worse, the cycle will repeat itself. 

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Grapevine: The only communication system in no danger of being replaced by electronics. 

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Hospital: A place where a patient’s friends meet to tell him their symptoms. 

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