Tag: Comedy Majors
puns
I’ve always wondered if chickens communicated using fowl language. Maybe only when they’re egg-cited.
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.
I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.
Hindi Jokes, हिन्दी जोक्स
सुरेश: तुम्हारे घर पर तुम्हें प्यार से क्या बुलाते हैं?
रमेश: मेरे घर पर मुझे प्यार से बुलाते ही नहीं हैं!
English Jokes
In this day and age, the individuality of the child is to be respected. Teachers, however, know how to be creative yet accurate. Read on…
Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar, and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week’s science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus, who said, ‘Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference’. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday’s test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours conservatively,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child’s knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. He has inspired community action. The parents of the children are now planning to form a martial arts practice club and will help your child practice his art further. They are likely to contact him at home, after school hours.
Yours amusedly,
Teacher