Tag: Clean Jokes for kids

Pilots and Engineers have a sense of humour too

Posted on By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Pilots and Engineers have a sense of humour too
English Jokes

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots (“P”) and solutions recorded (“S”) by maintenance engineers:


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Teacher Feedback for your child

Posted on By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Teacher Feedback for your child
English Jokes

In this day and age, the individuality of the child is to be respected. Teachers, however, know how to be creative yet accurate. Read on…

Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar, and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher


Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week’s science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus, who said, ‘Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference’. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher


Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday’s test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours conservatively,
Teacher


Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child’s knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. He has inspired community action. The parents of the children are now planning to form a martial arts practice club and will help your child practice his art further. They are likely to contact him at home, after school hours.
Yours amusedly,
Teacher