Tag: Clean Jokes for kids

More Puns

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puns

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c?
Because you can’t ‘c’ in the dark.

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?
Well, because time will tell.

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

~ How To Handle A Scammer ~

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English Jokes


I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s okay Sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device Sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it’s already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, Sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realise it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet, Sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “Okay, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s okay Sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Um … I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Okay.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.” 😂