Flip: Why do you fall sick only on working days?
Flop: Must be my weekend immunity.
English Jokes, Quotes and one lIners
I have a very clear conscience. It has never been used.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
I can’t even count the number of times I failed Maths at school.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
I like your opera. Perhaps I will set it to music. – Mozart
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
One snowman asks another, “Do you smell carrots?”
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
English Jokes
Collected from all over
As my mother-in-law has expired and I’m the only one responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”
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From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
*As I want to cut my son’s head in Gaya, please leave me for two days..*
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Leave Application from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding in:
*As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..*
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An employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
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*Another leave application:
I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday for me.
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A leave application to a Principal:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache and the headache is paining, Please grant me one day leave
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Leave application:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
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Another funny Letter found:
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.
