Category: puns

Friend Jokes

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English Jokes, puns

Good friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.

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Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

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Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out.

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Why don’t almonds have friends?

Because they’re nuts!

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“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’”

  • A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

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“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.”

Michaela Edmond

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IT puns

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puns

There’s no pun like an IT pun. These are our favourites. Enjoy !

Why was the mobile phone wearing glasses? Because it lost its contacts.

 Why did the developer become so poor? Because he used up all his cache.

What do you call an iPhone that sleeps too much? Dead Siri-ous.

What did the computer do during his break? He had a byte!

Why was the computer found cold and sneezing? Because someone left its Windows open!

 Why did the computer arrive late at work? Because it had a hard drive.

Puns Bonanza!

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puns

We bring you a Ponanza – a Pun Bonanza!

# I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now. 

# England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

#  A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail. 

# A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired. 

# – When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye. 

# – I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 

# – Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c?

Because you can’t ‘c’ in the dark.

# – Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?

Well, because time will tell.

# – Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

# – I’m trying to organize a hide-n-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

# – I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness!!!

The Pun Square

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puns

I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

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Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.

Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office and they are going to pay for it… You have my Word.

My bank sent me a letter saying it’s the last time they will spend 50 cents to tell me I have 2 cents in my account.

My doctor said I must bathe in milk but I couldn’t get into the bottle.

I was born on the 1st of the month, so they called me Bill!

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Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught.

My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don’t think she’d be a good secret agent.

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 I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.