Category: puns

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’

The other says, ‘Are you sure?’

The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’