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Category: English Jokes

Friend Jokes

Posted on October 15, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Friend Jokes
English Jokes, puns

Good friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.

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Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

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Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out.

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Why don’t almonds have friends?

Because they’re nuts!

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“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’”

  • A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

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“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.”

Michaela Edmond

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Stable Democracies

Posted on October 14, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Stable Democracies
English Jokes

Flip: Why is it that there are so few functional democracies in North and South Americas, except, perhaps, the US?

Flop: Well, you see, there is no American embassy in the US.

What preposterous really means

Posted on October 13, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on What preposterous really means
English Jokes

Blood Donation

Posted on October 13, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Blood Donation
English Jokes

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a clinic to donate blood. The doctor says to the rabbit: “What’s your blood type?”

“I’m probably a Type O”, the rabbit replied with great sadness.

Google Jokes

Posted on October 12, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Google Jokes
English Jokes

What do you get when you search “Rorschach tests”?

Silhouettes of parents fighting.

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What do you get when you google “Alzeimer’s”?

Purple links.

**********

Last night I was thinking to myself “I wonder how much Google really knows about me?”

But then my Android phone texted me the message “not much”. So, I feel better now.

************

What do you get when you google “Lost medieval servant boy”?

“This page could not be found.”

**************

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was “Dishonestly gaining a advantage,” eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

**********

What do you get when you google ‘How to light a candle?”

50,000 matches.

A Teacher’s Life!

Posted on October 11, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on A Teacher’s Life!
English Jokes

These jokes prove what we’ve always known.. a teacher’s life is tough!

Sugar

Teacher: ”Construct a sentence using the word “sugar”

Pupil: ”I drank tea this morning.”

Teacher: ”Where is the word sugar.”

Pupil: ”It is already in the tea..!!”

Active Passive Voices

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with ‘Mangoes’)

Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you…

Keeping it clean

TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?

Student: By staying at home…

Punjab Tea Stall

Posted on October 10, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Punjab Tea Stall
English Jokes

A Punjabi opened a tea shop in China. He named it Punjab Tea Stall. The shop did not do well.

Then someone suggested that if  you want to succeed  in China you have to keep a Chinese name for your shop.

Now his shop is doing very well because he has changed the name of the shop to

CHA FOO FOO KARKE PEE

History jokes

Posted on October 9, 2022October 9, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on History jokes
English Jokes, Quotes and one lIners

Who invented fractions?

Henry the 1/4th!

Latin Quarters

Posted on October 7, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Latin Quarters
English Jokes, Our Best

One evening, all Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States.

A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.

“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free.”

Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.

“On the face of it, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite.”

“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera.

“At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.

“Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!”

“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.

“We would have backed you!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.

“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.

Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he’d always be an afterthought.

“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.

“Indeed, I’m sorry about our fate. If y’all want I am happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.

“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma.

“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum.

“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.

Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.

“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.”

Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love. Its most critical condition that this piece is shared widely, says Sine qua non.

Maths jokes

Posted on October 7, 2022October 9, 2022 By Admin Comedy Majors No Comments on Maths jokes
English Jokes, Quotes and one lIners

Student: How much is remaining, sir?

Teacher: it’s last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

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