Author: API Admin

Leave Applications to make you laugh

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English Jokes

Collected from all over

As my mother-in-law has expired and I’m the only one responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.

“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”

_______________________

From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:

*As I want to cut my son’s head in Gaya, please leave me for two days..*

_________________________

Leave Application from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding in:

*As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..*

_________________________

An employee applied for half-day leave as follows:

“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

_________________________

*Another leave application:

I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday for me.

_________________________

A leave application to a Principal:

“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache and the headache is paining, Please grant me one day leave

______________________

Leave application:

“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.

________________________

Another funny Letter found:

“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.

One Liners

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Quotes and one lIners

This is part of our compilation of the most hilarious one liners. Each one will make you laugh a lot. But the best part is, each post has an almost endless scroll.

Enjoy!

When all is said and done, as a rule, more is said than done.

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I believe there should be bulk export of people who advise me to take life seriously.

– Saki, from ‘Reginald on Fiscal matters’.

My jokes are delivered with such a straight face that they always fall flat.

The Hall was decorated with Japanese fans and Chinese lanterns, giving it a very old English look.

  • Saki, in Reginald’s Christmas revel

What fits your schedule better……Exercising 1 hour a day or being unwell 24 hours a day?

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

He has a questionable past and absolutely no future.

  • Erle Stanley Gardner.

I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.

Revenge sounds so mean. I prefer to call it returning the favor.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.  

  • Groucho Marx

Parallel lines have so much in common but it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

My fake plants died because I didn’t pretend to water them.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

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The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

*********

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  • Erma Bombeck

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me… it’s gossip.

  • Erma Bombeck

A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times. 

  • DamienFahey

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 

  • Comedian Dick Gregory

Moses had the first tablet that connected to the Cloud.

The Smart Barber

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English Jokes

While cutting hair, the Barber asked the Minister :-
“Sir, What is this Swiss Bank issue ?”

Minister shouted,
“Are you cutting my hair or conducting an inquiry ?”

Barber said:
Sorry Sir, I just asked.

Next day, while cutting the hair, he asked the Senior Minister:

“Sir, what is this Black money issue ?’’

Minister shouted-
‘’Why did you ask me this question ?’’

Barber said:
‘’Sorry Sir, I just simply asked you’’

Next day, The CBI interrogated the Barber

CBI Officer –
‘’Are you an agent of Pakistan ?’’

Barber: No Sir.

CBI: Are you an Agent of any opposition party ?

Barber: No Sir.

CBI: Are you anti-National ?

Barber: For God’s sake, No Sir. I am just an innocent and a simple Barber.

CBI : Then, while cutting the hair, why did you ask these VIP’s about Swiss Bank & Black money issues ?

Barber:
Sir, I do not know why, but whenever I ask them about Swiss Bank or Black money, their hairs stand up straight; & that helps me to cut the hair easily. That’s why I keep asking