Traffic cop pulls Mr. Flip.
Police: It says here on your license that you wear glasses.
Mr. Flip: I have contacts.
Police: I don’t care who you know.
Laughter is the BEST medicine, and the best health tonic. Share a laugh!
Your happiness quotient – multiplied
Traffic cop pulls Mr. Flip.
Police: It says here on your license that you wear glasses.
Mr. Flip: I have contacts.
Police: I don’t care who you know.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c?
Because you can’t ‘c’ in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?
Well, because time will tell.
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
A new CEO was hired to take over a struggling company. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into serious trouble,” he said.
Well, three months later sales and profits were still way down and the new CEO was catching a lot of heat. He began to panic but then he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.” The new CEO called a press conference and explained that the previous CEO had left him with a real mess and it was taking a bit longer to clean it up than expected, but everything was on the right track. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and Wall Street – responded positively.
Another quarter went by and the company continued to struggle. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” So he fired key people, consolidated divisions and cut costs everywhere he could. This he did and Wall Street, and the press, applauded his efforts.
Three months passed and the company was still short on sales and profits. The CEO would have to figure out how to get through another tough earnings call. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”
Free trials, that is.