In the year 2027, the Lord came unto Noah, and said:
“Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing long with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the urgent need for the permit. But he needs a huge bribe.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the animals – but they also need a huge fee to allow that!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the court ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until the government conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Then there is a government regulation on compulsory employing minorities, backward classes, schedules classes for building the ship.
The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers.
To make matters worse, the government have seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“NO,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”
Scientists removed the left half of a man’s brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “2, 4, 6, 8, 10.”
Then they put it back, and removed the right half of his brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “1, 3, 5, 7, 9.”
Finally they removed his entire brain and asked him to count to 10. He said, “Oh I can count to 10. Believe me. People are saying I can count to 10 better than anyone in the history of our country. If you ask me to count to 10, I will count to 10 the likes of which no one has ever seen before.
